The school of hard knocks ... quite literally. However, as someone that pursued a dream in the wrestling business directly out of high school, I believe that this business has provided me an education that many college graduates wish they could have. Come to think of it, most of the important lessons that I have carried with me in life weren't picked up in school, they came from the wrestling business.
Do not misunderstand, children. A high school education is still one of the most important building blocks in the foundation of career fulfillment in the "real" world. However, my own experiences have given me an education far more extensive than a class room in almost every subject:
Mathematics: Let's see, I'm getting paid peanuts - gotta pay the rent, but the groceries, put gas in the car, go to the gym, and then there's the incidental expenses, and oh yeah ... promotional packages (gotta keep moving forward, right?). Hmm, I guess that eating habit will have to wait until next pay day.
Physics: Hmm, no time to draw a diagram and make the calculations, but if a 340 pound man flips from the top rope onto a 210 pound Vance Nevada at rest, what could happen? The result = severe puckering of the lower exit cavity and an explosion of the pancreas.
Economics: If ONE wrestler can get a room for $50, but four wrestlers renting the same room is three times that much, how can you best smuggle three wrestlers into that space and split the difference? How do you best address one full week of meals when after expenses your wrestling salary leaves you with $42? Frugality on the road is NOT over-rated.
Social Studies: Would you believe that there is one town in Canada where 75% of the population is HIV positive? It's true. This is not something that you would expect to find in our first world culture. I have had the opportunity to see what we would consider third world conditions right here in out own back yard ... if not for wrestling, I would never have reason to have experienced some of these things first hand.
Environmental Awareness: I have really gained a first hand understanding of the potential threat of greenhouse gases after being crammed into a Ford Explorer with seven other protein-filled high performance athletes. I have a new appreciation for the effects of air pollution and the damage that can be done to the ozone layer (as well as the nostril membrane).
Chemistry: What chemical reaction takes place when you mix a 300 pound testosterone charged wrestler with 3 parts steroids and several parts triple rye? The result is an Incredible Hulk-like rampage (shirtless of course) winding through the night time city streets on a hunt for ethnic minorities.
Language Arts: Of course, as in many industries, wrestling has its own jargon and slang, but I have learned many other words that will stick with me for the rest of my days. For example "ridiculo-tarded". This is when booking is so ridiculous, it's delivery is retarded. A variation of this, of course, is the "ridiculo-tard", when an individual is so ridiculous that his approach to the business is retarded -- see (insert the name of your own territory's candidate here).
Industrial Arts: Who knew that there were so many skilled tradespeople in the wrestling business? I have seen some of the finest fence building in my life among the folks in our profession.
Home Remedies: Engaged in a little too much comraderie at the promotional meet and greet with unlimited refills on drinks, one might find themselves in their hotel room desperately trying to cure themselves of their alohol poisoning to get through their scheduled in-ring assignment the next night. Can't keep food down? Try sucking back some Mandarin oranges until your stomach settles and the room stops spinning.
Anatomy: Sustaining several injuries, I have had the opportunity to directly learn about my own anatomy inside and out. One-on-one tutorials with doctors and specialists all across the country looking at x-rays have shown me the effects of wrestling on the sacro-iliac joint, as well as what a twisted spine looks like. A few aspiring superstars have also helped to educate me on the technical names of body parts such as "the side bone" and "the ass bone", which I have come to understand are particularly prone to injury.
Sex Ed: Don't ask, don't tell.
Political Science: Make no mistake about it, the wrestling locker room can be one of the most volatile environments, especially when dealing with the egos involved -- Hey, just like the Canadian House of Commons. However, most lively debates in our realm don't start with - "Mr. speaker, I would like to address the comments made by the honorable minister ..." It's usually more like - "Starr, that guy's a fuckin' asshole ..."
Contract Law: Oh yes, the dreaded independent wrestling contract, designed by promoters to keep a tight leash on talent that might have an actual opportunity to make money elsewhere. I have been taken to court twice over the years I have been in the business, once it was settled out of court in exchange for a wrestling belt (I'm serious), and the other time, the promoter didn't even bother to show.
American Foreign Policy: I discovered this one recently. Americans don't like to be chastised about facets of their culture when their ignorance of nations beyond their own borders doesn't give them an opportunity to debate the issue. Similar to the government's power to just drop a bomb at will on the offending nation, one 6'7" behemoth breathed down my neck all night, repeatedly pointing out that "I'm one American you don't want to mess with". Dude, let's stick to the issues here, alright?
History: Wrestling tradition holds that history only counts if someone in the room remembers it. If the fans don't remember, then it doesn't count. Equally, if nobody in the locker room remembers that time that you fucked up, then it doesn't count. Hmm, maybe that's why guys with long memories and a habit of writing stuff down has trouble getting booked ...
Certainly, it's unconventional, but I wouldn't trade the vaulable lessons that I have learned through the wrestling business for anything. Through my involvement with this business I have been given the opportunity to see the world from a perspective that many never get the chance to experience.
Vance Nevada